


Make Me Whole

by missblatherskite



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 01:01:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14249664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missblatherskite/pseuds/missblatherskite
Summary: Despite everything, Isabelle is not happy about the breakup.





	Make Me Whole

Despite everything it meant, despite the fact that she had secretly been wishing for it for months, Isabelle was not happy about the breakup. She was not happy about the long fights leading up to it, or the tears following. She was not happy that her brother was hurting, and she was certainly not happy that the girl she loved looked like she’d broken into pieces.

 

It wasn’t mutual, that much was clear. It was clear in the way she held herself, in the way she tried to muffle sobs at night. It was clear in the way she looked at him—tried not to look at him—when they were preparing for missions. She didn’t know the story, despite everything she had overheard, but she could guess. Jace was nothing if not loyal, but he was also scared. He was scared of himself, of what he might do to others. No doubt he thought he was being noble, setting her free of him. Isabelle loved him, but he was a fool. Clary was not someone to let go of. If she ever had her, she’d hold tight until her dying breath.

 

Surprisingly Clary didn’t come to her right away, she distanced herself from everyone, tried to keep her pain to herself like a true shadowhunter. Isabelle longed to comfort her, but she waited, respected her choice. Finally, one night Clary came. She started off slowly explaining what Jace had said to her, but quickly dissolved into tears. She talked about the last few days of their relationship, what she thought she had done wrong, what she could have done to keep him. And Isabelle comforted her through everything, whispering that she was wonderful, that it wasn’t her fault. She let her cry and cry all over her dress, mascara staining it, without her caring a bit.

 

That night changed things for Clary. She seemed a little lighter, a little less like she would crumple at any moment. She no longer looked so sad. It took a while, but she started to be able to look at him again without her eyes blinking furiously to stave off tears. She started to be able to talk to him—simple conversations only, but it was more than before. They were still off, no more joking or smiling at each other, but Isabelle could see them healing. She could see them becoming friends.

 

She hoped they could become friends, because the alternative hit her with pain. If they got back together…All through Clary’s pain a wicked part of her had been thinking about them, together. That horrible part of her had been whispering that now she had a chance, that now she could finally have her like she wanted, that this was a good thing. She was deeply ashamed of that, and pushed her feelings to the back of her mind. She had good practice, after all.

 

So she held her feelings in, didn’t dare think of making a move, and let them continue on as they always had. They were friends, and to Clary they were sisters. That would have to be good enough for her. Because she loved Clary too much not to be her friend, just because it hurt her to have her only in that way.

 

They only grew closer as the months went on. Talking nearly every night, saving each other’s lives in battle, bonded them more than before. They’d fight side by side, laugh side by side, lay in each other’s beds at night—side by side. It was the sweetest pain Isabelle had ever felt. She wanted more, and more and more—and she wanted less, wanted to not feel the deep, bone aching pain of not having her how she wanted.

 

She was too caught up in her feelings to notice Clary changing. She didn’t notice when her eyes started to linger on her lips, on her breasts. She didn’t notice that Clary started sitting closer and closer to her, and always requested to go on patrols with her. She didn’t notice the way Clary would bite her lip, lick her lips when they were together late at night.

 

So it was Clary who made the move.

 

“I love you.”

 

Isabelle smiled, only a slight amount of pain singing through her.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

“No, Izzy. I mean I don’t want to be your sister. I was wrong, before. You’re not like a sister at all.”

 

Clary took a breath as Isabelle froze, barely able to process her words.

 

“I love watching you fight, and I love the way you talk about things you’re passionate about. I love being with you. I’m in love with you, Izzy.”

 

Time seemed to stand still. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Clary loved her. Clary loved her as she loved Clary. It was everything, everything she wanted. It was actually happening.

 

“I love you, too.” She blurted out quickly.

 

“I love your smile and I love how brave and fierce you are. I love talking to you, and laying next to you. I’ve loved you so much, for so long, and I…”

 

She took a breath and slowly raised a trembling hand to her face.

 

“And I want to kiss you.”

 

“Then kiss me.”

 

So she did.

**Author's Note:**

> This may be edited in the future. 
> 
> Comments warm my little goblin heart.
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome.


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